Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
