I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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