She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
