Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
