a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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