but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
