And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
