i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
