one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
