Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
