I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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