i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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