My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
