She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
