I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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