I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
