so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
