We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
