I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
