the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you just see the Batmobile???
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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