Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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