Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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