im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you didnt know i had herpes?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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