may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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