i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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