Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
