where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
