so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
