i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
