You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
