Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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