I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All the doctor said was why
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
