I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
