You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The air taste purple.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
