It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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