She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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