Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
