Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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