Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
