it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i out mim tonsoeep
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