so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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