so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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