My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
