and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
