u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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