Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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