got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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