Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
