tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
