I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
