I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
