Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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