If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
