I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
