Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
