You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
