If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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