Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
