Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
