I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
